(temporary pic)
There stood-
an assemblage of poles
rising up to heaven with the worker’s
calloused feet atop of the stake
and their bodies taut with a tie with dreadful grit,
as to how the poles
were tightly gripped.
They were there
for quite sometime-
like ants hunting day and night
but these reedy brown and rugged
silver poles held the grip for these ill-fated men.
How unfortunate they could be, unlike
Somnus * in his consumed slumber.
Their hands of masterpiece -
with irregularities of strokes
painted the edifice
with a color of hope.
But the arrogant and proud poles where they stood from
have loose ropes and untangled knots,
together, will surrender with the scream of the wind.
The nodes were tied together
to brace the framework
in which they dangled.
But the drops of their sweat and tacky cream
freckled the young yet
lustrous shaft of the moonbeam.
*Somnus, in Roman mythology, god of sleep, the son of Night and the twin brother of Death. His home was in a dark cave in the far west, where the sun never shone and all things were wrapped in silence. Lethe, the river of forgetfulness, flowed near the cave, and poppies and other sleep-inducing plants grew close by. Somnus had power over both gods and mortals and is often represented as a sleeping youth carrying a poppy stalk.

nino Said:
on March 18, 2008 at 12:02 am
There’s the effort to tie together the actual scene with something more profound and/or metaphysical here. However, even on the descriptive level there’s bound to be some confusion — especially after the third line (are these workers’ feet “nailed” to the top of the stake?) — perhaps because the poetic situation isn’t thoroughly “imagined” on the page.
Because of this failure to represent clearly the imagined situation or experience, the poem likewise fails to translate its significance to the reader. Even with the use of an allusion.
There is also, of course, the problem with diction and syntax.